dear mother,

if i would to give a gift for you, i would like to look for an artist to make a statue out of you, nay. growing up is always been carefree and easy because all those trials seems like my science class back then.. worth it. it’s not that i had a crush with my science teacher back then(lol) but because.. it all goes down to going back home and seeing your smiling face as if saying ‘good work, anak’. Which means.. you never saw me when i am at school. kidding. 🙂 you know, i could go on and on..about how i’m grateful of how you influences my life all this time.

I hope my followers will be ready to lean their ears for me as i give them some reasons how you save me every time it sickens to be with me(as if you didn’t know.hehe)

being the oldest sucks so much. you didn’t know that. but what makes it special is that, the fact of being there first line in action of hearing what you wanted to say feels like i’m needed. you may not notice but, i am having a wonderful time when you started saying.. “i have news..” which entails a lot of seriousness and i know i am the first one to hear it. that. never sucks.

— being (more) responsible does. like, i should be the one who will do all the considering. and as if, i am not doing it all this time. but, i understand that. i honestly am.

the fact of growing and getting old both excites me and worries me, nay(mother). i have been stating all my ‘what-ifs’ questions considering you and me and time when i am vulnerable and alone. you getting old, me.. of not getting any younger. but you know what, it will be okay. it will totally be. God will be on our side.

And even though i’m taking some steps to work things on my own, i wanted you still to be my side like that of many times when you accompany me to school at kindergarten and buying me some food and bringing me some juice. and when i said, i am not getting any younger, it doesn’t mean i wanted to be alone. i just want you to sense that i want to decide on my own. if i have to have a job that i love in the future, i might tell you my secret plan of getting my own apartment. but for now, you didn’t know that. i hope when the time comes that i told you the truth, you’ll be setting me free. but for now, i’m enjoying my young adulthood with you and with tatay and my sisters. i know i am a Filipino, and staying at our house is as okay as breathing, but i am responsible in anyway possible. and we’re not in the philippines. 🙂

remember when you asked me if i have a boyfriend? don’t worry, i don’t really have one back then. (laughs) but i have a big reason of not having one, which is.. mainly because i am not ready enough to cry in front of you. or in a positive way.. give you a face of happiness that you secretly will worry if i’ll be crying secretly under my blanket the day next. And you will not know because..i am incredibly passive.

which goes down to.. how i am really impressed of 22 long years of you with tatay(father).

i just want you to be happy. i know that you wanted it for me first, but believe me, i wanted you to be happier first. when you think that i can live without you and i can endure a life without you.. you are wrong. it’s the sons and daughters that will always be the sadder. but.. the thing is, we have to be stronger in your eyes so that we can achieve our dreams in life even if that means making a strong composure. maybe it goes with a younger age, but let’s just say we don’t want to worry that much, and worrying is for parents. 🙂

worrying. you just have to stop it, okay? at times, it worries me that you’re worrying.

i’ll be saying my thank yous and i know it’s not enough but i’ll try mentioning—enough.

thank you for loving me. i might not be expressive but every time i look up to God, i always mention you first. i want Him to guide you, to make you feel blessed, to make you healthier and safer. i initiate a good and secure life ahead for you because i don’t want you to get hurt.

growing up, i saw you as a perfect mother. ‘perfect’ is an unbelievably perfect word but i couldn’t look for a better word than this. but now, i have been realizing that you’re just like everyone else. imperfect but it does entail a lot of assurance of a possibility that you’re a human not an angel. and maybe, i can be like you, too. or even stronger, or even wiser.. or even better— which i know i am not, because you are always be the best.

i’ll end this here, and maybe you’ll be reading this in the future(but i doubt it..lol)..so i’ll be saying ’i love you’.

Happy mother’s day! (2012)

your daughter, cyndi.

*from my tumblr blog: cyndiindisguise.tumblr.com

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