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remember your first text message from someone you haven’t really talk to in highschool? that even if , you are both in the same class, there is no way you can be beside each other and easily talk about anything because it feels really awkward? Because i just did. I remember that today.

i remember. it’s been 7 years. we can’t really afford to speak to each other, like we are having this wall between us. He’s a high school classmate whom i call ‘Mr. Late’. Late, because he just contacted me now. One day specifically, that old one day back in 3rd year he said that he like me, the next thing I know, I’m here miles away from hometown and he messaged me to be connected again.

boyish, and all..that’s me in high school.  Thinking and spending with two girlfriends, i accomplished a good time back then. that’s how i treasure true friends, maybe i might have had treasure him also when he comes nearby and just to say hi. But, it didn’t happen.

if have to describe myself that time, i am a little chubby and have that certain charm maybe  with a little cuteness. I always achieve a simple look even if i can manage a bit more presentable and good-looking. I am always an awkward, passive girl who always manage to be on the honor roll and the sight of boys did nothing with my feelings. I am all obsessed with being with friends, read books, watch anime and challenging silently myself to be on the top three. it’s all boring to some, but it’s one of the happiest years.

I always find myself thinking about having a suitor, and the thought cringes all over my spine. I have all the huge crushes, a boy from a boy band, an actor from a local program.. or a teacher in Science. Not, in a classroom full of annoying boys. Like, yeah.. like.. him. Like, Mr. Late. He’s one of the guys i come to consider being friend to and knowing who he is at the beginning of highschool, but it ends up a disappointment.

He’s starting to annoy the hell out of me and making fun of me and laughs at me  when even his friends doesn’t know why. Things are really complicated between us two, and i am the person who create a poker face in a second and act always numb in front of him. that’s the greatest revenge i guess.

One time i was reading this small self-help with cartoon characters around its pages and it talks about boys and how they act in front of the girls. I remember reading that, a boy is either acting like he wanted to be noticed, or just plain rude. And the ‘what to do’ section includes, confronting him straight to the face or just ignore the hell out of him and move on with life. Choosing what’s best, i chose ignoring him. He ‘s just there, and i was here and at that time, it’s junior year and i thought of gonna spent my life to the fullest. the idea of love doesn’t sink in. Or the phrase is, i don’t want to be sink into it. I thought of having a lot of time in the future for love and being in a break up mess in 3rd year is a no-no for me. I thought i was young and innocent for that.

That was all planned so well. One time i am having this geeky thing, you know, writing something and doing math(which is honestly my hated subject, who’s with me?!) I am not really that super genius but the thing is you’ve got to have control over things, right?  i was all dependent to my parents that i did whatever they say, because in the first place they give me everything. So yeah, study there, study here. And then there’s this message  from ‘Mr late’. i don’t know how i got his number that i did know he is the sender that time, or that i don’t know how he got my number, or WHY did he got my number.

He said hi, and i said hello. and surprisingly he got this whole aura that at some point i doubt whose really on the line or does he’s sister/s(he have 2) coaching him or something.  he’s being friend with me and all that. And during the conversation, i at some point, recognizes him when he enumerates his girl crushes. which surprisingly, (again) included me. That whole conversation was a high school flirting, you know what  i mean? the thing is, it never gets in my head because at the back of my mind, after that night and when the sun will shine and when the pillars of the school will stood ajar, he’ll not going to talk to me  in person when everybody is around.

Because as true as he sound in mobile texts and he might somehow be really  kind and sincere,  it will get to  nowhere if he doesn’t have the courage to put that next big step to speaking to me. and that was okay. the truth is, at that time  i was really proud of myself having to control my feelings but to tell you the truth, i hoped. I hoped that time that he somehow will say ‘hi’ when we passed by to each other.

The text messages was about his and hellos. I finally got the idea of him getting to know me when he asked me if it’s okay for me to be courted. I took a lot of time that night to think and when i said “What if I said, yes?”, guess what? He said, jokingly said.. “No, i didn’t mean what I said”. haha, And I was like, what was that? He backed off! After that, i texted him ‘Ok’.

An idea hits me back then. It was as if I learned something new in life, like a spark of truth hiding in this world. A treasure meant to be found. A lesson. Maybe, because i took the courage to actually say yes, or maybe because he backs off after saying otherwise, but i was actually thankful. An experience like that taught me how to leap a courage even if it’s little and take a small risk maybe to test someone or to test myself how far i can go.

He went on with his life, and so was mine. it was a  little flirty thing  at first that it might have sprouted into something romantic or a start of friendship maybe, but it was a memory i can’t change. And, i don’t want to. It was a precious memory for me, because it’s an innocent beginning that, well, not really happened but a good memory, nevertheless.

I found myself some lazy and free days having to recall that little memory and i can’t help but smile. We were really not prepared for the whole drama thing. He doesn’t have the courage to get to know me or the incident doesn’t  had my heart broken(even if he’s a good-looking tall guy) but after that day i surprised myself of how quickly i moved on which is in the first place, it really doesn’t matter. Yeah, it really isn’t even if.. that time he had his eyes to one of my closest friends and actually wished both of them well. 😉

Next thing I know, i opened my emails last few days and his name was there. Haha, the thing is, we’re miles apart-literally. We’re friends. It’s a long way to go.   I have a long way to learn.

keep that spirit glowing, friends..

cyndi.

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