–cute manga crop–

 

Hi! I learned about something yesterday so I decided to write about it without knowing that the ‘stop SOPA petition’ reached WordPress! [(as of the moment, megaupload and  megavideo got shut down! my heart is breaking… ;(]It alerts me that maybe you can’t read this post. Eh? Anyways, I’ll have to continue. I hope you can manage to read this short-written post.

The weather is so cold and it’s below negative. I’m at Toronto and it’s freezing cold even if the snow is not merely visible. If you are lucky enough, you might pull a t-shirt and a pajama but my area sucks and the heater is kinda slow and dysfunctional. But, as long as I have a warm place, I will be fine. And the fact that, I am still loving the cold weather and wordpress is still here and not banned.. I can manage to still continue a relatively good life.

I was at my cousin’s house yesterday and babysit two cute and energetic toddlers(a boy and a girl). We were having a nice time watching television, me, actually killing time waiting to go home and them, watching their favorite Dora the Explorer episode (the million times repeated episode they don’t seem to know) streaming in the treehouse channel.  Minutes passed and they seemed to have started a fight over a stupid purple flower wand. You know the drill about toddlers. They want to get the first thing that caught their eyes and try to get them as much as possible. Possibilities which includes fighting, –which sometimes I unconsciously enjoying (ohoho, I don’t know why! maybe, it’s the fact that it’s a normal thing for kids- even adults still fights until now, and the fact that they are siblings), screaming to get my attention and showing their convincing puppy dog eyes and me being a judge and to take sides(whose better and cuter eyes – just kidding!), and crying – the most annoying thing in kids. Because, they are kids. They are fortunately kids. And even though they are normal enough to be selfish, if I can get a chance to turn back time when I was a kid-old enough to read, I will read every fuckin’ day and tell my first crush that he is the apple of my eye, the collectible free toy to my favorite chips and the security bear to all my sleeping moments, and tell my parents to get me a library room so I can stuck books as much as I like and do all crazy things– I wouldn’t cry for a stupid thing. Which is– unfortunately not impossible in this reality.

So the fight began with a glare, the younger boy glanced at the purple wand that his older sis was swaying, doing some daydreaming about being a fairy tale godmother wishing Dora to somehow turn into a princess with a long balloon gown and just stay beautiful inside her castle until her prince Charming will come and claim him (oh.. fairy tales!). The moment after my unconsciously war addiction bliss end, they already finished fighting with the red corner young brother’s stretched hand up in the air handled the broken wand, undefeated!(laughs). My side was in the girl but I thought she gave it anyway seeing the real Dora is trying to stop Swiper in swiping her stuff and asking for help in shouting ‘Swiper no swiping’ and that it’s not too late. I saw the broken wand– now shorter, with the other broken side dropped in the ground.

As the boy was trying to put the two pieces back together, he was in shock how that wand was broken – that it was  subjected to change. Maybe, it’s his first time seeing an object he unconsciously broke but somewhat responsible for it–someone who did something to cause a change. I wondered when was my first time of  destruction and lose when I was a kid. That first time similar to this, like, in that same particular situation when I hold something in my hands and the impulse of doing something without thinking what might happen just automatically took over me, and it’s too late because a thing which i thought was inevitable was broken.

He saw it and said, “it’s broken..”, giving it to me maybe to let me fix it again. I was trying to contemplate that part. A toddler have to pass through the stage of contemplating an all is permanent belief to things can change, gain and lost.  I was trying to stick it together in front of him so that he will see how I was having a hard time somehow without knowing that I’m saying, “Sometimes, some things that are broken can not be longer fix to the perfect way it was, you know.” Well.. at the back of my mind, I can actually fix it by getting a scotch tape and stick it back together but never cared to get it anyway.

It came all this philosopher side of me that one, broken pieces will never be back the way it used to be as a whole. Two, you can fix it back actually.. but not as perfect at it looks the first time around. Three, you can cry all you want but that’s life. Last, Life is change. No permanent things stay.. well.. except change.

I was silly that time thinking about my what-if situation. Like, what if this little guy out here will break cute girls’ hearts in the future and before he know it, he is having a fun time throwing the pieces out somewhere and looking for some new ones. Fortunately, my cousin is too early for that and that situation will be altered for the good when the time comes. ;)))

At least, he broke a wand, you know. Kids are innocent and fortunate about what they break. Adults are too old for that. Responsibility starts to take out those innocent minds, and broken hearts are no exception to the rule. May it be in the rule of land.. or the rule of love.

Oh kids. They kept me thinking about life sometimes.

xoxo,

cyndi.

doing: watching NCIS

Advertisements