Honestly, I’m taking so long to write this post. I don’t know how to start. Christmas is always be a reminder for me to take a  good look at life once again and go over it year-round,  taking notes and lessons I’ve had learned. and the thought of starting to think how my life has been, it will gonna take time – which is ironic because of how short it will feel like if tomorrow be 2012(which is a short 5 days left). I don’t know.. if the world will gonna end today, I’m pretty happy. enough to tell God, if he’ll gonna ask me at the gates of heaven. but, knowing it will not happen soon(which is I’m not really sure but it’s because it’s a calm and quiet night today), I think I’ll be thankful instead.

*thinking*

But..if I’m gonna wish now, it would have to be the abundance of joy, health, wisdom and patience. those are my needs and without them, starting 2012 will be hard. those wishes, will be for my family too. I’m not very smart on memorizing all the 2011 memories. I’m not good enough to take all the lessons imparted by those days. I’m not confident enough to be more happy than i was on some of those days that it would require a lot more happiness. I’m not healthy enough in some days that requires a more physical or social or spiritual one to solve a problem. i mean, sometimes it wasn’t the best. sometimes, it wasn’t perfect – not that i wanted it to be. sometimes, days were good, so-so. So, before the year-end, and it’s because I’m in hangover post-Christmas, i want God to grant my wish.

I don’t know, Christmas has been an emotional one when it was done. maybe, because at some point, when a certain Christmas day passed, I have a recharged enthusiasm about peace, about being contented. Knowing that, God was born in a manger and I’m quite blessed enough to be born in a heated infant hospital bed-which is the very first one to be thankful for. I received gifts today, but what i really want is assurance. what I really want is a pat in the back, a nudge, a sign from God. what i need is something that assures me that I’m doing well. that.. everything is falling into place. a ‘you’re doing good’ comment. a peaking sun in a snowy day. a ‘i miss you’ from a friend. even a crappy sign board saying you’re on the right way.  a moment when you can’t help but do an escaping sigh of breathing because you fathom from somthing/someone that you aren’t disappointing Him or your loved-ones. or, yourself. that all this time.. you’ll be okay. and all that’s left is for you to continue.

*teary-eyed*

So having these thoughts in mind, I’m thinking some of the moments i want to bargain. maybe because, it’s nice to convince yourself at Christmas day that you had been nice all year-round and promise you’ll be. Like, have you ever help that one  schoolmate who accidentally dropped his books, tripped at the hallway or quite short to get the book at the shelf? Have you made a call to your grandparents? Have you help an elderly to sit in your bus seat? Have you kiss your mom surprisingly? Have you thank God?

SO, what’s your wish?

-cyndi

doing: *taptaptaptaptaptap*

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