Ashlin Horne

DeathtoStock_Spring7You deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you. It may seem like enough for now. You’re just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and we just need time.

You believe them.
And I’ve believed them.

But you’re not a plan B kind of girl.

You need to know that you’re not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.

You’re the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. You’re a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.

‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.

He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out your name and say “I pick you.”

“But he’s…

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we had this beautiful day two days ago when we bought some flowers for summer. we were so inlove with those roses and violets so i thought i had to have their pictures taken!

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i love seeing plants and trees always. It always keeps me at ease and comfortable when I’m looking at them.

it was so hot today i have this thick fold of paper to keep me cool. This spring to summer weather change is driving me crazy! anyways.. here are some of my tips to keep you cool at summer!

  • always, always keep yourself dehydrated. Grab a bottle of water, bring it with you.
  • take a bath. it will always be the best thing to do. It will keep you freshen up.
  • don’t forget to apply moisturizer . The skin quickly dries few hours after you apply, so reapply!
  • appreciate the sun, but don’t get to caught up under it. the possibility of having skin cancer is high specially to some tropical countries.
  • keep your windows open. allow good wind flows inside the house.
  • buy some flowers and plants. it will be better if you choose some air purifier plants like Neanthe Bella Palm plant.(at my slideshow)

happy summahhh!!

cyndi.


dear mother,

if i would to give a gift for you, i would like to look for an artist to make a statue out of you, nay. growing up is always been carefree and easy because all those trials seems like my science class back then.. worth it. it’s not that i had a crush with my science teacher back then(lol) but because.. it all goes down to going back home and seeing your smiling face as if saying ‘good work, anak’. Which means.. you never saw me when i am at school. kidding. 🙂 you know, i could go on and on..about how i’m grateful of how you influences my life all this time.

I hope my followers will be ready to lean their ears for me as i give them some reasons how you save me every time it sickens to be with me(as if you didn’t know.hehe)

being the oldest sucks so much. you didn’t know that. but what makes it special is that, the fact of being there first line in action of hearing what you wanted to say feels like i’m needed. you may not notice but, i am having a wonderful time when you started saying.. “i have news..” which entails a lot of seriousness and i know i am the first one to hear it. that. never sucks.

— being (more) responsible does. like, i should be the one who will do all the considering. and as if, i am not doing it all this time. but, i understand that. i honestly am.

the fact of growing and getting old both excites me and worries me, nay(mother). i have been stating all my ‘what-ifs’ questions considering you and me and time when i am vulnerable and alone. you getting old, me.. of not getting any younger. but you know what, it will be okay. it will totally be. God will be on our side.

And even though i’m taking some steps to work things on my own, i wanted you still to be my side like that of many times when you accompany me to school at kindergarten and buying me some food and bringing me some juice. and when i said, i am not getting any younger, it doesn’t mean i wanted to be alone. i just want you to sense that i want to decide on my own. if i have to have a job that i love in the future, i might tell you my secret plan of getting my own apartment. but for now, you didn’t know that. i hope when the time comes that i told you the truth, you’ll be setting me free. but for now, i’m enjoying my young adulthood with you and with tatay and my sisters. i know i am a Filipino, and staying at our house is as okay as breathing, but i am responsible in anyway possible. and we’re not in the philippines. 🙂

remember when you asked me if i have a boyfriend? don’t worry, i don’t really have one back then. (laughs) but i have a big reason of not having one, which is.. mainly because i am not ready enough to cry in front of you. or in a positive way.. give you a face of happiness that you secretly will worry if i’ll be crying secretly under my blanket the day next. And you will not know because..i am incredibly passive.

which goes down to.. how i am really impressed of 22 long years of you with tatay(father).

i just want you to be happy. i know that you wanted it for me first, but believe me, i wanted you to be happier first. when you think that i can live without you and i can endure a life without you.. you are wrong. it’s the sons and daughters that will always be the sadder. but.. the thing is, we have to be stronger in your eyes so that we can achieve our dreams in life even if that means making a strong composure. maybe it goes with a younger age, but let’s just say we don’t want to worry that much, and worrying is for parents. 🙂

worrying. you just have to stop it, okay? at times, it worries me that you’re worrying.

i’ll be saying my thank yous and i know it’s not enough but i’ll try mentioning—enough.

thank you for loving me. i might not be expressive but every time i look up to God, i always mention you first. i want Him to guide you, to make you feel blessed, to make you healthier and safer. i initiate a good and secure life ahead for you because i don’t want you to get hurt.

growing up, i saw you as a perfect mother. ‘perfect’ is an unbelievably perfect word but i couldn’t look for a better word than this. but now, i have been realizing that you’re just like everyone else. imperfect but it does entail a lot of assurance of a possibility that you’re a human not an angel. and maybe, i can be like you, too. or even stronger, or even wiser.. or even better— which i know i am not, because you are always be the best.

i’ll end this here, and maybe you’ll be reading this in the future(but i doubt it..lol)..so i’ll be saying ’i love you’.

Happy mother’s day! (2012)

your daughter, cyndi.

*from my tumblr blog: cyndiindisguise.tumblr.com


 

i was typing something in the computer last night when my mother got back from work and started to open up her bags and lay some foods. She sets them down and noticed a little scratch on the wooden dining table and said“tsk, tsk.. you guys are destroying this..” I let it pass. I mean, come on. I could have said something like, “it’s just a little one.” , or, I could have been smiled when she said “that’s mahogany!”, instead.(which i didn’t think so..)*laughs* I let a little silence.

But as she walked to her room, thoughts lingered inside my mind. Like.. of course, it does have to have that scratch. Of course, it does have to have some stains, spills, dusts and dirts. A dining table should not be perfectly cleaned, or scrupulously scrubbed. If it was, touching it could have been  feeling a devilish cold.  Like.. like a cold plastic table in an empty laboratory room. If it’s disenfected, it’s supposed to be as safe as loneliness. As if it’s like an empty person who establishes a poker face. A society that lacks hearing. A young adult who is isolated.

Life would be an awful, boring place to go through if holes aren’t scattered, if bumps and lumps aren’t made to slow you down, or if slippery paths aren’t slippery enough.

But.. of course, i didn’t say that to her.

Of course.


———– ❤

remember your first text message from someone you haven’t really talk to in highschool? that even if , you are both in the same class, there is no way you can be beside each other and easily talk about anything because it feels really awkward? Because i just did. I remember that today.

i remember. it’s been 7 years. we can’t really afford to speak to each other, like we are having this wall between us. He’s a high school classmate whom i call ‘Mr. Late’. Late, because he just contacted me now. One day specifically, that old one day back in 3rd year he said that he like me, the next thing I know, I’m here miles away from hometown and he messaged me to be connected again.

boyish, and all..that’s me in high school.  Thinking and spending with two girlfriends, i accomplished a good time back then. that’s how i treasure true friends, maybe i might have had treasure him also when he comes nearby and just to say hi. But, it didn’t happen.

if have to describe myself that time, i am a little chubby and have that certain charm maybe  with a little cuteness. I always achieve a simple look even if i can manage a bit more presentable and good-looking. I am always an awkward, passive girl who always manage to be on the honor roll and the sight of boys did nothing with my feelings. I am all obsessed with being with friends, read books, watch anime and challenging silently myself to be on the top three. it’s all boring to some, but it’s one of the happiest years.

I always find myself thinking about having a suitor, and the thought cringes all over my spine. I have all the huge crushes, a boy from a boy band, an actor from a local program.. or a teacher in Science. Not, in a classroom full of annoying boys. Like, yeah.. like.. him. Like, Mr. Late. He’s one of the guys i come to consider being friend to and knowing who he is at the beginning of highschool, but it ends up a disappointment.

He’s starting to annoy the hell out of me and making fun of me and laughs at me  when even his friends doesn’t know why. Things are really complicated between us two, and i am the person who create a poker face in a second and act always numb in front of him. that’s the greatest revenge i guess.

One time i was reading this small self-help with cartoon characters around its pages and it talks about boys and how they act in front of the girls. I remember reading that, a boy is either acting like he wanted to be noticed, or just plain rude. And the ‘what to do’ section includes, confronting him straight to the face or just ignore the hell out of him and move on with life. Choosing what’s best, i chose ignoring him. He ‘s just there, and i was here and at that time, it’s junior year and i thought of gonna spent my life to the fullest. the idea of love doesn’t sink in. Or the phrase is, i don’t want to be sink into it. I thought of having a lot of time in the future for love and being in a break up mess in 3rd year is a no-no for me. I thought i was young and innocent for that.

That was all planned so well. One time i am having this geeky thing, you know, writing something and doing math(which is honestly my hated subject, who’s with me?!) I am not really that super genius but the thing is you’ve got to have control over things, right?  i was all dependent to my parents that i did whatever they say, because in the first place they give me everything. So yeah, study there, study here. And then there’s this message  from ‘Mr late’. i don’t know how i got his number that i did know he is the sender that time, or that i don’t know how he got my number, or WHY did he got my number.

He said hi, and i said hello. and surprisingly he got this whole aura that at some point i doubt whose really on the line or does he’s sister/s(he have 2) coaching him or something.  he’s being friend with me and all that. And during the conversation, i at some point, recognizes him when he enumerates his girl crushes. which surprisingly, (again) included me. That whole conversation was a high school flirting, you know what  i mean? the thing is, it never gets in my head because at the back of my mind, after that night and when the sun will shine and when the pillars of the school will stood ajar, he’ll not going to talk to me  in person when everybody is around.

Because as true as he sound in mobile texts and he might somehow be really  kind and sincere,  it will get to  nowhere if he doesn’t have the courage to put that next big step to speaking to me. and that was okay. the truth is, at that time  i was really proud of myself having to control my feelings but to tell you the truth, i hoped. I hoped that time that he somehow will say ‘hi’ when we passed by to each other.

The text messages was about his and hellos. I finally got the idea of him getting to know me when he asked me if it’s okay for me to be courted. I took a lot of time that night to think and when i said “What if I said, yes?”, guess what? He said, jokingly said.. “No, i didn’t mean what I said”. haha, And I was like, what was that? He backed off! After that, i texted him ‘Ok’.

An idea hits me back then. It was as if I learned something new in life, like a spark of truth hiding in this world. A treasure meant to be found. A lesson. Maybe, because i took the courage to actually say yes, or maybe because he backs off after saying otherwise, but i was actually thankful. An experience like that taught me how to leap a courage even if it’s little and take a small risk maybe to test someone or to test myself how far i can go.

He went on with his life, and so was mine. it was a  little flirty thing  at first that it might have sprouted into something romantic or a start of friendship maybe, but it was a memory i can’t change. And, i don’t want to. It was a precious memory for me, because it’s an innocent beginning that, well, not really happened but a good memory, nevertheless.

I found myself some lazy and free days having to recall that little memory and i can’t help but smile. We were really not prepared for the whole drama thing. He doesn’t have the courage to get to know me or the incident doesn’t  had my heart broken(even if he’s a good-looking tall guy) but after that day i surprised myself of how quickly i moved on which is in the first place, it really doesn’t matter. Yeah, it really isn’t even if.. that time he had his eyes to one of my closest friends and actually wished both of them well. 😉

Next thing I know, i opened my emails last few days and his name was there. Haha, the thing is, we’re miles apart-literally. We’re friends. It’s a long way to go.   I have a long way to learn.

keep that spirit glowing, friends..

cyndi.


it’s time again for our. . *charannn* ‘the eight’ things!  And don’t fret The hunger games fans, it’s your time!(maybe the haters too.. hohoo)

  • “That’s mahogany!”, says Effie. – that’s why it wouldn’t break easily, E. Calm down, you got a scratch on your index.
  • “Thank you, Lionsgate!”, said Peeta fans.
  • “I hate twilight, i hate twilight, i hate twilight!” waahhhhhhhhhhh, said every hater. – urgh… you might wanna watch movies or read books more.. 😉
  • Rue: So is all that stuff true?

           Katniss: What?

Rue: You and him? 

Katniss: *smiles*

  • hmm.. archery, where can i learn that? pretty cool.
  • reader: shit, mockingjay is not from that old woman..is that even Greasy Sae?
            non reader: ow.. so that’s how it is.., wait, what? Who’s greasy?
  • ow.. i sense some accent there Liam.. i’m watchin’ you..huh..huh.. *points to eyes* (lol)
  • the end.. *uhuhuhuh, malayf, it sucks.. malayf.. -crawls and clenches inside the blanket*

*ehehe… crazy me.

Bravo, Yankee, Echo!

cyndi.


and you better be poised saying that. With a narcissistic look and it’s stylish and normal around Capitol, Effie’s been so damn funny during the course of scenes rolling as other the hunger games fans keep their heart beating slow or even worst-a hard fan’s heart stop when some of the scenes are seriously building. Together with Haymitch, they are inseparable in terms of keeping the whole movie maintain it’s magic to awe and tickle fans even if most of the movie maniacs actually read the books 3 years ago.

I, together with my two sisters got really good seats at 7 pm showing and surprised myself how night movie showings makes me a lot serious about the movie. I usually don’t prefer movie nights but i am glad that we didn’t postponed seeing the movie because i was lazy going to the cinema when it’s getting dark outside. ohoho

I read the book 2 years ago and thought that a movie adaptation might get messy but having watched it last night proved me wrong. I actually rated it 3 stars because i much as i remember, i got bored in the middle and the whole arena doesn’t really built inside my head and had a quite hard time perceiving such place. Maybe because it doesn’t quite built well into words and maybe Collins did some wrong things there or whatever. But, in the end i finished it, and started Catching fire which i gave a book rating of 5! I loved the second book. It comprises action- so maybe in the beginning(book1), i was actually looking for it which had been fulfilled by book 2.

Anyways, the movie was good. If you have time and you open tumblr, they were a lot of hunger games addiction going on, let it be casts, books, characters, goodies and movie gifs. It’s actually pretty amazing but it’s time to move on. 😉

One thing I honestly learned about books and movies.. well, mostly from books, it’s just that at the end of the day, at the end of its end.. you’ll just have to move on and love the story and the magic ’til the end but never revolve it all over your head and your life. The fiction goes endless as the mind is limitless, but be sure to grasp a strong hold of reality and stay with it. Anyways.. dystopian always rock!

HOho… with this and that…

this is my sister's ticket, i looked for my own but i can't find anywhere.. anyways..

happy hunger games!

*cyndi

*fave HG scene: (spoiler)

-a parachute land, Katniss opens it with some rub-on medicine inside for Peeta with a note from Haymitch saying:  “You call that a kiss?” – H


Okay, i started typing the title as ‘the man who clamps‘, *laughs*..i guess I’m not that good in typing this night. Anyways, this is the story of how my 21-year-old self actually found herself inside the cinema with my hoodie’s head on as I waited for “The Loraxmovie showing.

That was yesterday. I had my dentist appointment at 10:30 am with my mom and I was really expecting to go back home afterwards as I had no intention of going somewhere. Being all boring and all, as I still waited for the spring to come, I want still to read some ebooks at the comfort of my couch, bed’s left side, dining chair, or to wherever space available. But, as  some weird things started to as unexpected one, my mom said that i can go to see a movie(with my sisters). I haven’t had any movie-watching since the day I watched Underworld:Awakening which was a pretty good movie to watch that time and was from a pretty good long time. So after we fetched and waited for my sisters to get ready(took them 40 waiting-like-forever moments), we cruised down to the mall. It was pretty cool thing to do, as we just sit their inside the car while my mom was driving.  Not that we were naturally quiet persons that something like this is an ordinary scene for us, but at some point while taking a left turn.. my sister suddenly blurted out to my mother that their was a woman still walking at the pedestrian. We haven’t had any accident that time, but we just laughed at her because she acted a little paranoid. I can’t blame her either because she just doesn’t trust my mom’s way of driving– which is acceptable because she’s still a new driver.

We got inside the mall, started scanning some things each store and my sister bought her new shoes and we went to the Rainbow cinema to look for a good movie to watch. I don’t know why they came out selecting a children’s movie but an hour later after we had some coffee while waiting for the time to pass for it’s playing time, i was with a lot of kids and parents, and some elders, having a hard time warming myself from either embarrassment or it’s just the cold room of cinema. *laughs* It could have been 21 Jump Street or even The Journey 2(even if i haven’t watched the first movie), but somehow i was in awe and shaking my head as I watched “The Lorax” unfolding with some  silly and odd-looking trees in the screen.

Before that, we selected the very back seat at the right of that small cinema because it’s our favorite seat when watching. We waited as people occupies the seats which either  kids or kid-at-heart.. and parents who really love their kids. Oh, and then.. there was us. Mind you, I’m 21, my second sister is 20 and the youngest one is 18, so the hell  why I was on cinema 2 watching the little boy voiced by Zac Efron(who doesn’t even sing a song) courting his  crush voiced by Taylor Swift(yes, she doesn’t even sang any song either),  i don’t know?!

Mind you, I watched anime and manga and all, and that my sisters wasn’t able to even  watched an anime and actually finished.. but the experience was odd. I don’t hate it either, it’s just not my thing. So where was this going, and when is the title ‘the man who claps’ enters.. well, it just came out of nowhere, i don’t know why either. Let’s be clear, while ‘The Lorax’ was playing, about 15 minutes after, there was this old man.. 50 years or older suddenly claps as the community in the story just finished dancing their graceful and funny scenes. He clapped his hands like 8 claps a seat and then stopped as he was mesmerized by this cartoon filming before our very eyes. Oh well, i just got curious. *lol* As the kids doesn’t even clap or say ‘yehey’ and all the kid-related gestures, this man’s like he has been doing this movie watching for awhile. I glanced at his sides(which was in the center row of the cinema seats), and he was alone without any kids–or even friends beside him. My sisters also noticed the gesture and just shrugged their shoulders and smiled.

I had the opportunity to count how many set of claps he did(yes, out of fascination and maybe my rare curiosity strikes) and if I’m not mistaken, he did  like 5 surprising and adult-turning claps and add 1 more after the the movie ended. I later thought that maybe he has the hobby of  watching any Disney, or Dr. Seuss stories.. or any other kid’s movies and have so much fond watching them. ;))

Oh man.. it’s good to be kid. It’s good to feel like a kid. The thought of having some kids in the future gives me the expectation that maybe.. in the future I will come to appreciate such movies other than shoujo manga or action anime(like Naruto and all) every Saturdays as i spend it with my future kinds as if it is like the most natural thing to do in the world.

And as for me, I terribly believe how important time were and I think that being a kid is the best thing in the world. Best feeling in the world.

from a kid-at-heart,

cyndi.


  • Always remember people TAB button will do the trick!(lol)
  • Man.. cool people blog more and open facebook in 5 seconds!
  • When all else fails.. ask Google.
  • Please.. please.. change your password: 123456 , qwerty or iloveyou
  • Copy, paste, print. That’s how true students work.
  • You have one favorite indie youtube crush!
  • Update!
  • You wish to meet awesome guys in the net and curse people in real life.

true story.

cyndi.

doing: manga-reading


I was supposed to post on Valentine’s Day.. but guess what, i don’t have one(because i don’t have a valentine).. so having that in mind, I have to at least write something about it and thought about attaching a cute video which will also do the trick. 😉 How’s that?

here it is..

hoho.  It’s a scene from Phineas and Ferb and i thought it was really cute. 😉 But.. it was sad at some point because Isabella did all things to get Phineas’s attention and for God‘s sake they were in the city of love! Phineas is so naive at times.  -_-

But then again.. they are kids!

For that.. Love like you’re a kid! Love people you suppose to love, who attracts you and worthy enough of your attention. Make every waking moment an opportunity, make walking sessions an adventure, do smiles from the heart. And if at times when you find yourself can’t get enough of that person.. be the first to say you care, or sing to him/her or french kiss him/her, do some French love traditions, and never let him/her go. 😉

Belated Happy Valentines!

cyndi.

ps: Ferb is just too cool! >.<

precious days

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